You have exactly what you WANT.

My therapist has frequently said, people have what they WANT.

I admit I didn’t quite understand it at first, but would notice it really is true.

I complain I’m busy, I make some adjustments to find support or lessen my work load. Before I know it, I start filling up my schedule again or overcommiting to things that I should just say no to. Growing up, there was a lot of emphasis on staying busy, working hard, and helping out. My mom would complain about the mess we made but wouldn’t have us pick it up. I sometimes find myself doing the same thing with my own family. There is something about the busyness, the “having to do everything myself” that has become a situation I frequently put myself in.

I see people around me do it too.

Spouse X who wants love, marries a person (Spouse Y) that they are happy with. Spouse Y doesn’t do things the way spouse X wants them to. Spouse X starts to control Spouse Y. Spouse Y pushes Spouse X away from them to protect themselves and to try to have more harmony in their relationship. Spouse X doesn’t feel loved and starts to tell Spouse Y all of the ways they should change to love them right. Spouse Y further feels criticized and finally leaves Spouse X. I am sure Spouse X didn’t want a divorce, but I’m sure in just reading this scenario, you might have imagined that is the way things would go.

According to “You have exactly what you WANT" thinking, Spouse X wants to be alone. Maybe they are afraid of being unloveable and they subconsciously make it that way on purpose. When their partner divorces them… it’s proof they are unlovable. Even though no one wants to feel unloveable, it serves to avoid rejection because they never really invest themselves anyway.

The thing is….. these things are able to be CHANGED. If you do the work, you can make a change in your life.

I don’t work half as much as I used to. My family shares chores. I can notice when I am making a choice to take something on myself and I notice when I get resentful about it. I am not perfect, I’ll be the first one to tell you that. I’m constantly working on myself and noticing more things the older I get. The difference is now it’s not a big problem for me. I notice, give myself some slack, and note the patterns.

The goal is not perfection, it’s awareness.

SO my question to you is… what do you have that you might consciously or unconsiously want?