Divorce as a catapult into living the life you want……
Your heart is broken. You thought you would be spending a life with this person, now it’s just you and your kids. You’re in the inbetween of licking your wounds, responding to the immediate needs (helping your kids feel safe while their life changes too), moving or trying to move, handling bills on your own, dealing with lawyers and child custody disagreements, and dealing with any new partners included in the mix.
There is a reason that getting a divorce is one of the most stressful events in a person’s life. You thought it would be forever, you said it in your vows, but things have changed overnight. You are having to forceably accept a reality you were unprepared for and even if the change is welcome because it was a joint decision, it’s still really real now! You don’t know how you will parent by yourself, people may have initially been eager to help with the kids, but when it comes down to it, they aren’t rising to the amount of help that you need.
Bear with me here…….. It is possible that divorce is the best thing that could happen to you. You might be really struggling and having difficulty to see that now, but it just might be true! Usually a divorce doesn’t come completely out of the blue. You might have really been disagreeing for some time now or your partner might have been becoming distant. Maybe you were bearing the emotional labor of the entire family. Maybe you figured out you didn’t want to be married anymore or maybe your partner did. It’s a big change and it’s at the big changes in life that you learn who you really are and put your big girl panties on!
You learn the following things in times of divorce:
Who the heck you are, and who you are not.
What you put up with and what you don’t want to tolerate in the future.
That you are a strong mother and can take care of your kids, even in the most stressful times (yes, even if you have to prop them in front of the TV or another electronic just to get through a tough moment).
You step up to the occasion and do things even if you do them with tears running down your face.
Who your partner is or was. You REALLY get to know who your ex partner is when you’re going through a divorce (sounds rough, but sometimes it is the nail in the coffin for your relationship).
That you actually enjoy spending time on your own after the initial shock wears off. Especially the visitation days that you get to have a little bit of your old childless self back.
You need to find your hobbies and interests, and invest time in yourself.
You know how to work with someone you like or maybe you don’t (co-parenting).
Boundaries. You need to get good at having them and keeping them. They keep you and your sanity together.
I have seen time and time again, when you put pressure on a woman, you see the real beauty come through. Sometimes if you are really quiet in moments of difficulty, you get closer to your inner voice. Your inner voice never fails. I can help train you to listen to it. That higher voice always has you in mind. Your wellness, your safety, your best interest. It’s the voice that will keep you going when you feel like you just can’t.
Divorce is not easy. However, some of the biggest challenges are the ones that help you learn more about yourself. You can do this. I am rooting for you!
