Signs you are making progress..
I listened to a podcast recently by a therapist turned coach that I loved. It was about knowing that you are making progress in you life. First of all, there are a lot of ways to “make progress” in your life. You can “make progress” in healing from something big that has thrown you off balance. You can “make progress” in forgiveness (that’s a big one). You can “make progress” in the amount of times you impulsively decide to respond in a way that doesn’t align with who you are. There are so many ways one can “make progress.”
Something I struggle with as a high achiever is trying to change too many things at once. Can I get a “hell yes?” Most of my clients struggle with the same thing.
If I don’t juggle 5 different major things at a time, I’m either coming right off of a big accomplishment and I’m basking in the feel good chemicals or I’m burned out. I don’t think I’ve loved doing anything in life more than I love being in this line of work. Currently I am juggling the following books….
Good Inside by Dr. Becky Kennedy (parenting and reparenting work)
How to Change Your Mind by Michael Pollan (about psychedelic therapy)
And I am waiting for a new book for a book club I’m doing called Living Non-violent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg, PhD
And I’m going through Self Compassion by Kristen Neff with a client.
I spent a long time in school but I consider that my learning is never truly finished. I’m learning about myself on an ongoing basis because I can only go as deep with my clients as I’m willing to go with myself. How do I know I am going in deep with myself? I feel calm. I don’t worry as much. I allow things to shake out the way they may. I accept what comes and know when to push on things that can be pushed. I can laugh at the parts of myself that emerge that are so typically me. I can thank them and move forward.
So how do you know? Here are some signs that you might experience:
If you’re grieving after a breakup; you can talk about your ex without breaking down. You might still shed a little tear but it doesn’t derail your day.
You can look back on something and are able to view your role and what shit you need to own. It’s not always someone else’s fault.
You can recognize the anxiety you hold because of the way that it’s really helped you in the past. You thank it and move forward.
You are able to release someone from a grudge you’ve been holding. It doesn’t mean you invite them back into your life, but you allow them to not take up so much mental and emotional space.
You can look back on something with a different perspective and appreciate how that was necessary in order to make way for something else.
You can take a beat before responding with hate or impulsivity.
I can empathize that it is really not an easy road to making progress. BUT I would be willing to bet you have a whole entire life worth of making progress. An activity that I love to do with my clients is to make a life map. I have folks do it in my Women Coping with Herpes course too. To make a life map, you need to draw a map of your life (just like you were giving directions to a stranger, complete with all the twist, turns, and landmarks). So take a large piece of paper (or a few of them) and draw from birth all of the big things that have happened and what they have led you to. So, if you were a kid and took violin lessons and it led to a love of music, map that. If your love of music led to a career in music, map that. If a relationship with someone helped you realize what you didn’t want, map that. If you had children and they forced you to focus on what is really important, map that. You get the idea.
Please send me your maps, I would LOVE to see them. They are a part of your life. And don’t forget to focus on the direction you are heading too and jot down hopes and dreams, that is a part of your map too.
