How Therapy Can Help You Overcome Social Anxiety

Social Anxiety is hard. 

It can make you want to restrict the way in which you engage in life. Human beings have a need to belong, so it is also against our nature to restrict the way in which we are making connections. You can have social anxiety and have a lot of friends. However, when it comes to being around people you do not know, it can be really hard to engage or even show up. Social anxiety can cause you to cancel plans to gather with people you don’t know or go somewhere that you may have to be around people you don’t know. 

Whenever you aren’t fully engaging in life, you might be missing out on something really great. New experiences, new connections, and ways to learn more about yourself. 

Therapy can be a very important tool to get yourself back out there engaging in life. Therapy, at the core, is learning about yourself. Unraveling the things you do and finding out why you do the things you do. You might find that the way you do things happens because of the way you protect yourself from a bad experience or social situation you have had in the past. It could even be something you do not remember, but caused you to avoid certain social situations that remind you of it. 

Look at any famous person… a lot of them have social anxiety. And… for good reason. They might have been approached at dinner for a quick selfie and said no because they were enjoying time with their family. All of a sudden the fan makes social media posts about how rude the celebrity was and the celeb’s popularity is impacted. The celeb, to avoid this happening again, doesn’t go out in public to have dinner and stays at home instead or makes sure they have a private room.

For the rest of us, this might look like being humiliated by someone at school or being bullied. You felt good about yourself and opened up, sure you would be accepted, only to be made fun of or have people gossip about you. As a result, you keep your friend group small and avoid being in places that remind you that you could be humiliated or uncomfortable again. 

I see people with social anxiety all of the time. First, I start to notice the patterns of my client. Do they avoid large groups?  Is the fear around safety or not being able to avoid all of the stimulus a large crowd brings?  Once we identify what the fear is, we can explore. We can notice when you feel uncomfortable and explore what exactly makes you uncomfortable. We can then look back to other times that you’ve felt the same discomfort and make connections. After you identify, understand, and have self-compassion, you can change things for yourself. You can go into situations where you might be uncomfortable, name the discomfort, and move forward. 

If you struggle with getting to know someone, even seeing a therapist can be an act of courage. As therapists, we understand that you might be scared to meet and get to know us and feel comfortable sharing all of your past experiences and trauma. I’m zeroing in on your body language and asking why you are shaking your leg or picking at your nails. By being curious, you get to notice it too and explore why you do the things you do. That is how change is made. 

 If social anxiety is preventing you from fully living, it is important to explore in therapy with someone who can help you figure it out.