2024 is going to be lit.
Oh my 15 year old daughter is going to HATE this title. She will tell me, “Mom, that title is so CRINGE.”
It’s finally happened. I have become super uncool to my kids. They reject most of my requests for spending time together. They would rather hang out with their friends over going out with me. Admittedly I cried about it a few times especially as it became apparent having a whole week together during break.
When you become a mom no one tells you about what it feels like to let….them…..go. It is the most heartbreaking thing I have ever experienced in my lifetime. AND it is because they are secure in our relationship that they ARE letting go and that I also must let them go. My Dad always tells me, “You’re the stupidest person they know until they are 20-21 and then you become the smartest one.”
Dad, I get it now.
So, naturally, I went to my own therapist about it. Her response was, “the greatest gift you can give to your children is to have a life of your own.” True. It’s incredible how much of myself that I have left to learn about, having put that on pause to raise small children. I know that a walk is invigorating for me. A night out with girlfriends gives me new life. A weekend on the beach is super reenergizing. I have taken this huge heartbreak and I’m going to use it as a springboard, not a trap door. I help people do it all of the time, why can’t I?
Here’s the thing….. it’s not always going to be fun. There will be tears. There will be days I don’t like myself so much. And there will definitely be days where nothing works. There will be days I cry when I think about my babies out in the world on their own and not drawing or taking all of their pictures with me in it. Their plans won’t include me. They will be mad at me, want me to go away, and wish they could go on a vacation for 2 weeks without me.
But I know I did my work. The work I did and I AM doing is preparing them to be able to handle the work they will have to do when they leave my nest. I have to let them make mistakes and be there to hold them through the rebuild, as I have done for myself so many times.
Over the years I believe I have become a master rebuilder in my own life. I’ve been laid off from jobs and quickly found a new one, moved from one city to another, started my own business, uprooted my family and started over. There are parts of the rebuild that definitely are not fun. It’s hard to break down old walls and construct new ones that are made of glass and not drywall. It’s hard to imagine what might be behind a wall you break down only to learn that you needed that wall to keep the house up. So you have to build a new support structure. It’s messy and sometimes totally bananas. But I will continue to do it as long as I’m able to.
What does your rebuild look like? What is kicking your butt right now that needs to be reconfigured? What are you struggling with? What walls need to come down and which ones need to stay up or be turned into windows? I know for me, I need a sounding board. I needed my therapist to share her wisdom and also mirror mine back to me. I don’t know much about her but I can see that she knows what she’s doing. She has gotten where she is because things went wrong and some things did not work out. And that’s the kind of person I want in my corner.
How about you?
